Why Is It So Much Easier to Love and Accept Our Friends Than Ourselves?

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”  –Buddha

You’ve been there before–we ALL have.  A friend or family member comes to you distraught over a relationship, a job, a goal, a deep desire they can’t quite get in their lives, or even just tired from the daily grind.  You are the FIRST person to tell them they are worthy of the love of a good partner, deserve fulfilling work that pays them well, and keep on trying for those desires they want more than anything.

If we can be a good and supportive friend to someone else, why is it SO HARD to turn that same nurturing, loving, supportive voice on ourselves?

Awareness and Acknowledgment of the Negative Self-Talk

Usually, when YOU encounter those same struggles your friends share with you, your inner critic might chime in with messaging like:

“You’ll never find a good partner–they just don’t exist, and who would love YOU with how you look/without a job/with no prospects for success anyway?”

Or:

“It’s stupid and risky to look for a new job–at least you’re getting a regular paycheck. Why rock the boat? You don’t want to get fired, after all.”

Or even:

“You’re being silly. You’ll never get that dream house, start a new business, or write a book. Do you know how much work that’s going to take? There’s NO way–you might as well just give up.”

Sound familiar? Yep, we do it all the time without even realizing how we tear ourselves down.  We are talking to ourselves in a way we wouldn't dare speak to anyone else. 

So what does it take to start becoming a supportive, loving, and nurturing friend to ourselves?

Begin the Change

Here are a few simple ways to begin shifting your self-loathing talk toward self-love and self-acceptance.

1. 1. Start noticing your negative words. We cannot change what we don’t acknowledge. It’s crucial to first become aware of your inner dialog, especially when challenges and life “potholes” come up. It may also be helpful to notice your well-worn phrases or words of negativity–they can actually become a helpful trigger for shifting your inner messaging.
   2. Begin to seek understanding of how the inner critic is trying to protect you.  Is the critic stopping you from trying something new so you don't have the possibility of failure or rejection or getting hurt?  Is the voice in your head protecting you from being seen or gaining success you feel you don't deserve?
   3. When you notice the inner critic getting loud, start answering it with a simple phrase you would use to support a friend. If your bestie came to you with a similar hardship, what is the most supportive thing you could say to them at that moment? Say it to yourself, even if you don’t believe it 100% just yet.

• Ask for help. Sometimes, we have to “borrow” a thing we lack until we can find a way to secure it for ourselves. Asking friends to give you their support or even just listen to you is a good way to dial down the inner gremlins in your head. Your buddies know you and may be able to see a perspective that you cannot while you’re deep in the weeds of a circumstance.

More support always helps

Getting help can ALSO come from a professional. And typically, a hypnotherapist like myself can help you shorten the time and effort of transforming your inner messaging and building your self-love and self-acceptance. 

Together we can work to understand the role of  the self-critical part.  With this understanding, you are empowered to meet your needs in another way as well as develop new supportive coping strategies. 

We will break down WHY self-critical messaging is so intrinsic to our individual stories, and HOW to start breaking those patterns, so that you can enjoy more confidence, less codependency, amplified freedom of choice, and even more JOY and accomplishment in your life.  Schedule your 1:1 personalized session today!

Of course, we have many free resources on self-love and self-acceptance as a place to start–and then consider a deeper dive with me to evict your inner critic and amplify your self-love. 

I hope you’ll enjoy dialing down the negative talk and becoming a more supportive and loving friend to yourself.

Be well and happy,

Sara and Les

The Mindful Movement

Additional Resources:

Members Oasis for: Unlimited access to all Mindful Movement Meditations and Hypnosis Practices; Exclusive Members Only Content added EVERY month; Practice anytime, anywhere.

Purchase your favorite Meditation and Hypnosis practices from the Mindful Movement. You can download an MP3 file to listen to anytime, anywhere with no internet access necessary.

A personalized hypnotherapy session can support you in making a change you desire.  It would be my honor to help you through the process of change that you are looking for.

Let us know how we can help.  Please feel to leave a comment with any other suggestions, comments, or questions for the community!